Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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