I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
