called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
