I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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