just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize
