if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
