I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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