I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
