oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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