If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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