I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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