I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
