then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
