oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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