I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
