Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
