Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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