dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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