You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
