I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
