When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
