Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my being single is dangerous.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
