so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
