i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
