I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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