I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
