Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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