I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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