You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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