Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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