dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
