it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
