I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
