I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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