that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
