So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
