We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
