i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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