Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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