you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
