the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize