What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
