She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
