I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
