i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
