i already hear my dad disowning me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
