maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
