FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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