I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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