maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
