Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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