No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
