Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
