so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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