I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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