ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
