I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
