I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
