I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
