Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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