And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
