Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
