Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
