But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
