the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
