Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
