That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
