Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
