Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
