I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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