Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
