Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
