This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
