i think my mom watched the whole time
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
