It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
