It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
