I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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